9/13/2015

Future of Burning Man Once Again Uncertain Following Alleged Theft of Intellectual Property



[ed. note 9/13 03:47: this particular satirical posting is an adaptation of a similar satirical post from nearly one year ago]

OAKLAND (AP) - The annual Burning Man event, a festival of art, music, community, and Radical Expression is once again facing an uncertain future this week following an alleged theft of vital intellectual property. Event organizers discovered Wednesday that key intellectual property had allegedly been stolen by multinational sandwich chain Quizno's.

A security guard posted outside of the Burning Man offices Thursday morning said that he feared Quizno's may come back for the remaining intellectual property.

Due to the alleged loss the festival has tentatively cancelled the 2016 event. If the intellectual property is returned by Quizno's event organizer and co-founder Marian Goodell has stated that the show will go on as previously planned.

The alleged theft involves a viral video produced by the Quiznos sandwich chain. In the video, which is said to be a parody, vital intellectual property, which was allegedly stolen and which is said to belong to Burning Man, is depicted. (See below for the video in question).

"The potential cancellation of Burning Man 2016 is the result of a theft of nearly $100,000,000 worth of intellectual property by Quizno's. Let me be clear, this is vital intellectual property. We rely on this intellectual property to build the city and our community relies on us to protect them from the commercialization of that intellectual property. The intellectual property is no longer in our control. Without it we can't protect the community and we can't have an event. We encourage Quizno's to return the intellectual property, no questions asked." said Goodell in a prepared statement.

"I was gutted, to be honest," said nine time burner Laser Crank in a nearby Starbucks. "Of all ways for this to happen, it had to be in a very funny internet video," continued Laser, referring to the humorous nature of the video.

"I couldn't believe someone would do this. The intellectual property has so much value to the community," said Meadow Flame, a three year burner and community volunteer. "It's a low blow, sure, a lot of things in the video are funny and very true, but they took our intellectual property. We don't have the money to replace the intellectual property. If we raised the one hundred million dollars to replace it, it would be the biggest Kickstarter in history," Meadow continued.

Police confirmed that they have been notified of the alleged theft and asked anyone with information to call Crimestoppers at 800-555-5151

JT Baum reporting from Oakland. Associated Press writers Jonathon Fowl and Lawrence John in New York contributed to this report.